I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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