I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
