Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
