Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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