do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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