Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
