if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
