may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
