the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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