Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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