It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
