Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
