i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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