Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
