69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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