I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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