You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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