it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
