Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
