my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
