the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
