I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize