i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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