after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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