Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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