You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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