$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
