Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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