We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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