I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
