just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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