bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
