i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
