Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My friends, they love my intelligence
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
