She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That accounts for only three of the penises
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
