we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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