i just made my gag reflex go away.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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