Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
