I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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