It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
