Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How external is "for external use only"?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
