i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
