I'm gonna have a badass scar
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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