My girlfriend figured out who you are.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
