she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
