HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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