It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
