Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
