I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
