I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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