i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's the barista slut.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
