What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
