May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize