He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
