i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
