im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
