I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
