once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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