I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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